And so i whine.

Here I am again, pouring all my misery to these blog pages. I apologize to all the people who are reading this, who might as well be exhausted with my whining much as I am burnt out with my life.

I only wanted to be loved.I did.I do.But my first love is smeared with mind games, manipulation, lies, lies and lies. The sad part is that I did not want to participate in such travesty. I only wanted to be loved.

I loved.

I loved so deep I was fool enough to deliberately surrender my life, my rights, my privacy, my liberties. And in the process of complete surrender,I was hurt and I bled and I am still bleeding. I was ridiculed for not having from these wounds after all these years.But these wounds are just too raw to heal, especially when I am trying to recuperate, things happen renewing the rawness time and time again.

I have become a monster, at least to one person. I am generally benign.The people capable of wounding me are the people who are closest to me and my heart.Facts of Life 101.Sad.

Many times I have attempted to flee. Yet my feet are bound to the memories and affection, making every step forward such a burden; every inch farther, the longing is consuming compelling me to turn back.

I have long been a pillar of salt.

Had you loved me truly, you should have seen me beyond my misery. Had you loved me truly, you should be able to value me beyond broken electronics and twisted wire jacks. Had you truly loved me, you should be able to see me, the real me, the person who wants to be loved, beyond my tantrums, beyond my complexities, beyond my naggings.

But you have not.You are blind.You are a fool.I have my mistakes grave and small, that I admit but that does not make you less of a fool.

A fool.

Maria

Maria.

I have known you ever since I was four years old. You were my sister and I was your brother.I was so damned proud I have a sister somewhere. It's weird though because we never spoke, we never played, we never fought, we never ate cookies together or be scolded by grandmother for escaping during siestas.

A thousand words back in my old room, covered with dust, letters unsent. I wanted to tell you when I was hurt, when I won, when I failed.

Times passed by. You grew up to be the beautiful person I have always imagined.

A quarter of a century made its mark, you have finally set foot on the soils of our forefathers. Everybody was happy. Even the sea was glad.

Now you are my sister and I am your brother. Complete -- that is what I feel right now.

Distance never made us apart after all.

Never be worried, always smile. A home back here you always have.

Motion Blur

Good day to all.

Do check out this link:
http://ch1co.multiply.com/photos/album/10

It will lead you to Book One of the Chronicles of the Traveling Panda by Paia and Chico. Neat piece of work I say.

Peace.