Life in a Haywire

25 Things

2009-02-07T08:06:00.004+08:00

1. I am supposed to post this over at FB but since I decided that this blog will be my opening statement there, I just had it typed here (read: I yet have to find out how to post this over FB hehehe).

2. I got an invite for this several days ago and decided I was too busy but now with this very inspiring Saturday morning weather (cold & gloomy!) and too many posts i've read including my sister's, I guess I have to give it a try. Well, I'm already at number 2 in less than 5 minutes so I guess this isn't as nerve wracking as I thought it would be.

3. Self-incrimination is a personal art of mine YET i am aware (read:scared hehe) of web snoopers (for future employment purposes) so I guess I'll euphemise? a lot in the next 22 items. hehehe.

4. Do you just sometimes laugh for some past event spontaneously running in your mind not even the next person has an inkling about? Well I often do, and I laugh crazy and never care if people around think what the hell is happening to me.Crazy.Generic genetic.Bwehehehehe.

5.Ok, I just yawned and got stuck @ #5. I miss Maria.

6.I grew up in the rurals; when I was younger I always wanted to get it out. Now that I am older and living in the city, I see the bliss in a slower pace of life, the greens, the birds and the bees.

7.My bestfriend Wilmar,who has this big talent of being incommunicado for years, & I always remember that "the bluest skies are crystal clear & infinitely high". That saying keeps me sane up to this very moment. Let's talk about it sometime.

8.I love anime! as in anything cartoons. I am nostalgic over the classics though. Thundercats.Uncanny Xmen.Centurions. Nick & Disney's omniscient shows today are different in a sense. I guess there was beauty in scarcity. Somehow.

9.I am too wordy.Verbose.

10. I always thought GORGEOUS was spelled GEORGEOUS. oh boy, my big bad bad. =)

11. Stucked again at #11. I love the mildly cold wind. the gothic weather. I guess in my past life I was a vampire or some sort of nomad in the colder parts of europe.

12. Okay,number 12 and it gets steeper. Ayt, my first book was The Little Prince and I could not get over the boa constrictor that looks like a hat and the baobabs and the fox and that yellow snake with the Prince high up in some desert wall. And my Pa wrote a dedication on the book for my Mom (it was her's and then I grabbed it from her when I was 2;BAD KIDDO) and it said there: "To Wella, Never Grow Up." I still have to talk to my father regarding that.

13. I love my family. No matter how turbulent things were and things may come to be. You can't choose your folks, good or bad. Though its hard for me to say "I love you" to my mom without feeling awfully awkward,I'd die for them.

14. I find most priests big, damn hypocrites. To hell with them. You know who you are.

15. Okay, # 14 got the best of me. But I'll let it stuck for the record.

16. College was the one of the best times. The freedom, the booze, the lustfulness of it all(you fill in the blanks na lang if we are college friends heheheheh).It was turbulent (this is the 2nd time I used this word in a matter of seconds) yet a very intellectual point too.

17. I was 14 when I had my first mad crush. 19 when I fell madly in love. Still the one though, running 7 years.

18. I am technically a marine biologist but years of nonpractice has made me inept.
I never thought I would end up managing businesses, making decisions and all that directly affects people's daily lives. I would always be a child of the sea, loving the marina more than anyplace else. The sun and the blue waters will sustain me.Even at my darkest hours.

19. It's at the darkest when the brightest stars are most seen. And you'll see the grace of a dark backdrop where jewels of light would stand out and offer you hope that beyond the illusions of this world, there is something real out there.

20. I love Christmas! I love the carols, the cold weather, the entire season. I miss the christmases of my childhood, they were the best. It seems to be extinct but I can still smell the season.

21. I am very lazy at the gym.

22. I am generous to a fault.

23. I am stucked again. Oh yeah, I still love alcohol over the weekend and during lunch. Hehehe. I'll definitely be a member if there's an AA in Cebu. LOL.

24. "Wear Sunscreen". That's my mantra since I was 15.

25. Thank you Jaime & Maria. You guys inspired me to finish this. Miss y'all!

untitled

2007-12-01T01:29:00.000+08:00

Hi Self,

Here we are again, for the nth time in this lifetime, trying to figure out what I really want. The thing is I have the impression that the world dictates us to want only one thing, something you have to be solely, exclusively passionate about but the thing is I want so many things each at different times and the word to describe it is spontaneous. Grown ups would frown at this I know. I never wanted to be a grown up anyway. Not since I’ve read the Little Prince.

It is past one in the morning on the first day of December and drunken men’s loud, singing (read:shouting) voices are banging my ears at this unholy hour from the 2nd floor bar and guess where my room is: 5th floor. So much for sound-proof materials.

So I am here in General Santos City and the people that matters to me now are in Cebu and enjoying a Friday night as it ought to be while I am here holed up in my hotel room the hotel day trying to pass time and wishing at the same moment tomorrow would never come. On second thought, that’s a scary idea.

I was thinking of resigning from my job right now by January but to tell the truth I am chicken-shit scared to be jobless. I have bills to pay and vices to sustain. But I am always away and though the cash influx is good, I don’t really kinda enjoy it though for the first time I never ran out of cash but still.

I seemed to notice that one of my strongest skills is bringing people together. You see, so many times I have naturally brought people in touch, you know, friends you haven’t seen for a while and I know I have this knack for timing when to call on them when they are actually available. I’m just wondering if this trait is worth 40k a month to some prestigious multinational employer.

So I write on the first day of December 2007 and I worry that…actually I worry about a lot of things. Things that might actually matter or might actually be irrelevant after all. I want to be financially free, to be fluent in Japanese and Spanish and to speak them, flaunting my language skills to people and to secretly jubilate in their admirations when you superficially play a humble tone. I want to be arrogant and be pleasing at the same time. I want to eat all the good stuff and be in a great shape. I want to sing and be admired and not to be in a stage with a fucked-up production crew who doesn’t know what they are doing. I want my family to accept as who I am and not what they expect from me. I hate disappointing them. Much as the rebel that I am, I also want to be loved. I want to be advised but not scolded. I want to have a job but not really a boss that bosses you around. I want my friends around. I want to be with Udi and Ysa. I want to have teas in the afternoon with gingerbread and godfather’s chops for dinner or maybe a mobster meal in roma mia. I want to have a kid. I want to raise a family despite my fears of the firebacks from my childhood mistakes. I want to live my life the way I want to, free from the reins and expectations of other people and of this fucking so-called society. Heaven help me.

I want raw emotions. I want sanity. I want my life.

Bitching Once More

2007-10-18T10:53:00.000+08:00

So I whine again. And again, it's my job again. Unsa na man sad ni?

Seriously, I'm thinking of quitting again. I am part to blame maybe because i'm being bratty again but the better part of the reason why I intend to quit is that my managers and company policies suck.Suckers to the damndest point.

SYCOPHANTS!!!!!MAMATAY PA UNTA MONG TANAN!

Now I can hear my beau telling me, "do you ever blame yourself, you-constantly-complaining-brat-good-for-nothing jerk?" hell yeah i blame myself. but my managers arent perfect either, are they?Sige lang man gani na ng uban dira ug pa-iyot to hold on to their positions.

Anyway, I hate this day. Fuck the yellow pages!

xroads of destiny

2007-07-26T20:30:00.000+08:00

i borrowed this title from an animation i was watching this afternoon,"aang the last airbender".i have this extreme affinity to cartoons (forever nick fan!) and i get pretty crazy over certain programs.

as usual,predicaments have implored me to write again. apart from sex,writing is my second fix. i can't have both at the same time though.hehehe.

i am now sitting in a lounge chair in a cozy boutique hotel in the heart of downtown davao city. a few seconds ago i was hearing wheels screeching hard on asphalt beckoning a possible road mishap. i would have wanted to order a bottle of beer or maybe a glass of good ole red wine but i still have to take some medicine later for my colds and more importantly to make me drowsy enough not to hear or mind my roommate's choleric snores.

lack of personal space has been an issue of mine since i was 8 years old.i used to have my own room in a family i totally despised then. then, personal space i found in the form of an old battered radio broadcasting bringing loco ricardo diaz all the way from the west coast. rick dee's weekly top forty was my prozac.

a japanese guest a few tables across was babbling in nipongo with a heck of a volume it just reminded me that only my name and a few phrases are all i have left from the months of japanese class i had a few years way back.watashi wa kurisu jan desu.watashi was sukushi nihon go wakarimasu.

when this year began i said to myself that this is gonna be my year after 12 years of tumult and metamorphoses.i am basing this statement to what i experienced 12 years ago when i was at the some sort of apex. it has been more than six months and looking now, yeah, i have accomplished something. but something is not everything. and now in this very moment, i am telling myself that in this life you need not to have everything.

contentment.happiness.values.friends.fears.hesitations.escapism.the decision to face them all hook, line and sinker. as i try to put up these resolutions i realise i need divine guidance and the love of those people that matters to me the most.

i miss cebu, i miss my old life. yes, after a year of work i declare for the nth time that i am burnt-out.i really have no idea how to get through and breakthrough, i just know that i have to.any definite reason i have no solid statement to say.forgive my incoherence.

one day at a time.my microbio professor used to say that.

dear reader thank you very much for lending the time reading part and parcel of my being a drama queen. i myself will review this blog in time and rate this from that point of view.i hope it will be better point of view,i dearly hope so.

Bette Davis Eyes

2007-03-28T12:52:00.000+08:00

Being 140

2006-09-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

I should have written this when I was on my ride from my old town to dipolog.I should have started writing this when I was on my float rushing to go back to cebu.I should have wrote something when I was 32000 feet above the ground with the pressure change bending my eardrums thin.But no I did not.The classic procastrinator kicked in me.Look at the bright side:I had a few more opening lines scribbled down tonight.Hehe.

Several weeks ago I had this untimely chance to weigh myself in a scale which told me a horrible fact: I have made it to the 140 lbs mark. Something to see as a sign of progress eh? Or something to be alarmed of? I took the latter and it made prozac a necessity.

Since that evening, a lot of things passed through all in connivance to lose an inch or two from my waistline. Spending two weeks in dipolog for work did not do anything positive weight-wise; the abundance and quality of food during my stay only accelerated my gain.Hehe.

In my solitude in the so called orchid city a couple of phone calls startled my sense of childish awe.It was a wednesday or a thursday early morning when my dear friend james called in.How I wish I was there to support you man in those times of uncertainty.Damn geography!

Later that night,an unknown phone call came in and the caller's opening line was "John, kaila ka kinsa ni?".It was my freakin friend Niño whom I thought we have lost to the sino civilisation for good.

Two calls from people a thousand leauges far, one started my day and the other hummed me to sleep laughing. A beautiful coincidence.

Speaking of phone calls, one came in that alarmed me mad.You know who you are. You should have never punched that glass! Look at those stitches around your hand! A cellphone is justifiable to stomp on when your being unfair but endure such physical trauma all due to swine? Its funny that your most serious injury happened when I was not around when all we are thinking is that we are the worst and best thing that happened to each other.

Maybe that is our strongest denominator:the masochist deep within.I love you.

September 8.Late at night I was reminded it was my brother's birthday.I spoke with him.He happened to be in Manila.We met there last weekend.Drank some beer.Spoke about terrible things.You should have told me brother.I am damn guilty in the convenience I was wallowing in when you were barely making ends meet.Such terrible transition! I could have done something,something at the least.You failed me in this juncture.

Six degrees of separation: I was having my short-noticed physical exam in Makati Med last Friday to donate blood for our company president's ill father.When the doctor read I'm from Cebu and asked me if I'm from Sacred Heart I instinctively asked back "you know Larry?"

Now I'm back home and resuming my routine in convincing myself and the public that the yellow pages is a marketplace developer.I haven't lost weight methinks.Maybe I'll get myself into yoga or try the gym once more (and try harder to make it work).
Wishful thinking.

I got a suave haircut though.

Oblivion

2006-06-23T16:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday,Haidee broadcasted a message for some ideas with her latest project:the most beautiful way for the world to end.

And so I asked myself,"Would I like the world to end in some beautiful and conventional manner?Should I not revel in its ugly darkness,a morbid conclusion,a gory foresight come true?"

After a few thoughts,I decided the aforesaid questions are irrelevant for the meantime as I have my Haidee waiting for some inputs.And so I replied:

"Something sudden,abrupt,peaceful but forbidding,painless but drowning,then comes an irrevocable,eternal oblivion."

Ain't concrete,imagery-wise she said.So i went on:

"Like dying in the cold,when everything is hurting but you are too much in pain to feel,then comes the dreamy part where your life flashes at you in a jiffy and then the light goes out for good."

Then all becomes nothing.And nothing becomes everything.

Eda Bueti

2006-06-05T16:42:00.000+08:00

You all must be wondering who or what is "Eda Bueti".She is actually a caller of mine and a Dell end-user.Reason there is why I am making some post for such a caller:my supervisor is stubborn enough to ignore the kudos email she sent back(hehe i'm complaining again!) so i decided that if the entire office will not know about the pain-ass troubleshooting I did with this lady, I better post it in my blog for the record.

Please do permit me this vanity:

From: Eda Bueti
To: US_ACS_Team_1
Date: 5/24/06 6:19 AM
Subject: Re: Dell Inc. Case #134244171 Team 30800 Email #~20861887~# Confirmation
Case ID: 10008464

Dear Team Manager

Just to let you know that I had an awesome experience with Kris Rep ID 01127181. With his help, I was able to open the computer and switch the ribbon cable (something I would never dream I could do) and by doing so he determined that I need a new drive.Within 24 hours,the part and the technician arrived to my house and had my computer back to normal.Kris had a lot of patience,and was a pleasure to work with and made me feel comfortable and had a good sense of humor.Because of my experience with Dell and the rep, when I need a new computer it will be a Dell.I have already told family and friends of my experience.

Very grateful
Eda Bueti

Patience and a good sense of humor are the last things I expect customers to perceive from me.We all know those are my areas of improvement.

Finally made a new blog entry!(pathetic,hehe)

And so i whine.

2006-05-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

Here I am again, pouring all my misery to these blog pages. I apologize to all the people who are reading this, who might as well be exhausted with my whining much as I am burnt out with my life.

I only wanted to be loved.I did.I do.But my first love is smeared with mind games, manipulation, lies, lies and lies. The sad part is that I did not want to participate in such travesty. I only wanted to be loved.

I loved.

I loved so deep I was fool enough to deliberately surrender my life, my rights, my privacy, my liberties. And in the process of complete surrender,I was hurt and I bled and I am still bleeding. I was ridiculed for not having from these wounds after all these years.But these wounds are just too raw to heal, especially when I am trying to recuperate, things happen renewing the rawness time and time again.

I have become a monster, at least to one person. I am generally benign.The people capable of wounding me are the people who are closest to me and my heart.Facts of Life 101.Sad.

Many times I have attempted to flee. Yet my feet are bound to the memories and affection, making every step forward such a burden; every inch farther, the longing is consuming compelling me to turn back.

I have long been a pillar of salt.

Had you loved me truly, you should have seen me beyond my misery. Had you loved me truly, you should be able to value me beyond broken electronics and twisted wire jacks. Had you truly loved me, you should be able to see me, the real me, the person who wants to be loved, beyond my tantrums, beyond my complexities, beyond my naggings.

But you have not.You are blind.You are a fool.I have my mistakes grave and small, that I admit but that does not make you less of a fool.

A fool.

Maria

2006-05-10T05:13:00.000+08:00

Maria.

I have known you ever since I was four years old. You were my sister and I was your brother.I was so damned proud I have a sister somewhere. It's weird though because we never spoke, we never played, we never fought, we never ate cookies together or be scolded by grandmother for escaping during siestas.

A thousand words back in my old room, covered with dust, letters unsent. I wanted to tell you when I was hurt, when I won, when I failed.

Times passed by. You grew up to be the beautiful person I have always imagined.

A quarter of a century made its mark, you have finally set foot on the soils of our forefathers. Everybody was happy. Even the sea was glad.

Now you are my sister and I am your brother. Complete -- that is what I feel right now.

Distance never made us apart after all.

Never be worried, always smile. A home back here you always have.

Motion Blur

2006-05-08T11:19:00.000+08:00

Good day to all.

Do check out this link:
http://ch1co.multiply.com/photos/album/10

It will lead you to Book One of the Chronicles of the Traveling Panda by Paia and Chico. Neat piece of work I say.

Peace.

Moving forward:23

2006-04-21T15:21:00.000+08:00

I was troubleshooting a blue screen of death error when the clock made it past 12. In the midst of my servitude, i turned 23.

yes, it was my birthday yesterday and a not-so-significant-event in my calendar. I turned a year older altogether with my sib matthew and couz sam and my late mama pat.also on the april 20 list are my distant cousin margina and buddy francois. adolf hitler too, before i forget.

to all the people who has made my life heaven and hell and both for the past 22 years, i thank you all. despite this incurable fantasy to turn back time to fix whatever was broken,i am nevertheless grateful for who i am today and who i can possibly be in the future. muy gracias!

Sleepy Ideas

2006-03-23T05:49:00.000+08:00

I am fully aware that my sight is starting to fail but as I am writing this, this ocular condition that I have is compounded by the fact that the idea of sleep is gnawing at my heels ever more fiercely.

Funny thing is that everything around me is rather vibrant. People scoring songs from the videoke machine, the sun rising, music files milling in the corner.

My soul is the only dim corner in the room.

I wish I can rap so that when I cuss, I can pack so many sentiments in a minute's time. I wish I'm a poet who can explain the universe in seven syllables. I wish I can morph to a stone when sunlight hits me so that I only have to forever mind the night.

I wish I'm a bird so that I can fly and more importantly when a snake is nearby, I can easily be consumed and then be at peace. I wish I'm a tornado so that after I ruin things to the ground I can simply disappear into thin air. I wish I don't care about the world and everything and everyone around me.

But I do.

Of Clumsy Escapes

2006-03-23T05:08:00.000+08:00

As my nature directs, I am usually inclined to run away when something goes wrong and start again back at one. As my grand aunt would always comment when I was playing the piano then, "Wala gyud kay padulngan kung kada masayop ka sa tekla mubalik na sad ka sa uno".

Anyhow, starting all over again & again can only be afforded if you have the luxury of youth and that is something that I am running out of or so I complain.

I know what I've got to do: Don't run, stand it up and hope you'll come out alive afterwards. Still, it hurts. It hurts a lot anyway.

So, this is why I moved all of my previous posts to this new blog. The old name was too lousy.

I miss you and I loathe it that I do.

"Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)"

2005-12-23T04:57:00.000+08:00

The following lines have guided me all through out these years. Have a good read then.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters.

Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Detachment of the Retina

2005-11-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

When thoughts are afloat
Ranging from the real to the obscure
Digressing from the sensible to the nonsensical
Sparks linger in my eyes.

When thinking of those hot flashes
Emotions and flesh in the raw
Transporting you from pits to pedestals
Sparks linger through my eyes.

When desperation is at hand
Pangs of insecurites consume me from the insides
Comfort is a far away from reach
My eyes cannot see, perceive the light
As I am blinded by hate
Covered by clouds of confusion
And dark eruditions
To heaven I cry my shame
The devil’s clasps remain

As I attempt to be overromantic
As I border the eccentric and eclectic
I recall to where have all these devices sprung forth from
Hoping for redemption.

But as the cold within arise
I grimace.
Irrevocable, irrevocable!
An incoherent’s demise.

Quicksands

2005-11-24T02:20:00.000+08:00

Have you ever got into a series of unfortunate situations where the more you struggle, the more you sink?

Realisation dawned on me early today that I'm doing a Titanic. Now I cannot help but ask the question: why do we often fail to recognise such traps when we have encountered them before a handful of times?

Maybe we are too hooked up with routines that everytime we run into a glitch, it makes sense that we move unto a resolution. Resolutions may range from the idiotic to the wisely, long-term or short-term. It probably takes some foresight to achieve a sensible resolution. I have foresight. However, as I am easily touched by depression, I often take it for granted and lull on my emotions.

Or maybe some problems are just meant to be kept under the pillow for a while. Writing this I just recalled the existence of the words sabbatical, hiatus, vacation, break. I am such a git to forget; maybe I have made myself much of an Exuperian grown-up already.

So how to survive a quicksand?? Call for help, I say. Ayuda, ayuda. As to whom you call help for it is up to you. The immediate assistance you can get is from yourself. It is wise not to step into a quicksand for these treacherous events are relentless in pounding your spirit down and if by accident or incident you step into one, I believe it is wiser to stay calm without losing some sense of urgency.

The dangers are real.

A Sudden Outburst of Cheers

2005-11-22T15:11:00.000+08:00

Salvo.

I have finally decided to rejoin the community of bloggers after a while. For what purpose, I do not really know. Maybe out of boredom, maybe because of my subdued passion for writing or maybe... now I am really lost.

A hyena's laugh I would like to howl, a congratulations for finally arriving at a point where I envision myself jotting down some sensible thoughts. This is not a school project nor a job requisite. This I intend to realise as a life hobby.

Am I making sense?

Anyhow, I bid you welcome to my diorama where words will display sculpted figures and life-like details in a way or another. Along the way, I expect errors and excellence, recognition and denial and then some. I hope you'll pick up some of my good stories and make it your own somehow.

When Six Aeroplanes Came Down Crashing

2004-12-02T17:15:00.001+08:00

I am still a bedspacer.I am still living in the same boarding house for nearly half a decade.Quite some time.

Arrived in 73 Molave Street when i was still a lanky 17 year old, excited to get into a university i deemed to be my savior from the fatal boredom of suburban college life.The old house structure was a smaller version of the shrieking shack -- t'was dark, damp and small. But hey, it was just a stone's throw away from UP so it was a good deal after all.

My landlady lost her eldest daughter to a nephritic disorder a little more than a year ago and now she just lost her father to senescence. I do feel sorry for her. I am not really fond of forlorns and funerals.

A couple of days ago her father's life support was removed. It was only the pacemaker that was generating the spikes in the cardiogram. We were in the backyard, i was armed with my toothbrush, ready to proceed to the sink and brush the day away and then sleep like a sloth.

She was there doing some laundry and of course i asked about his father's condition as i thought it was courteous to do so. Her father's life support was removed.She then launched into a myriad of tales about her father. His father is a ww2 vet. A highly decorated one. On one occasion he managed to shoot down six jap aeros. It just really amazes me that a person who once commanded the fate of hundreds succumb to senescence and submit oneself to the suffering of old age.

Death is the great equaliser.

Grains of sands are falling marking the passing of time. I am not getting any younger and now i am weary of living. Maybe it is indeed a blessing to die young.